I’ve been having severe anxiety attacks since yesterday, the ones where it’s really hard to breathe. I can’t pinpoint the trigger but I suspect it’s because of the birth control pills I’m taking. No, I’m not sexually active. It was prescribed to me to regulate my menstruation. I haven’t taken the pills for 2 to 3 months because I get bad menstrual cramps when my period comes and frankly, I hate getting my period. But I started taking the pills again a week ago because I haven’t bled for months.

It’s a lose-lose situation taking those damn pills. If I take them, I get depressed and I get my painful periods. If I don’t take them, well I don’t get my period and I think that’s not good for me either.

I manage my anxiety attack with either Xanor or Rivotril. It doesn’t make the attacks go away but it becomes more manageable. I also try to distract myself. I recently subscribed to Netflix and I discovered that I can watch it on my smart tv. My friend Myna also gave me access to her Plex account so I can watch whatever she has on her media server. Watching series and movies are good distractions only if I can get myself to watch. When my depression is so severe, I can’t get myself to do anything at all so this current bout isn’t so bad.

So thank God for Netflix, pills, and Myna’s media server.

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