I wrote this a few hours ago on Facebook. It’s very personal and will make the reader know more about me.

Some of you who have been seeing my FB status messages might be wondering why I’m still affected by David Bowie’s death. Let me try to explain and I’ll try to be eloquent doing this.

I didn’t exactly have a happy childhood so I escaped with my imagination. I had princess dreams of meeting my prince charming someday, just like the fairy tales mom used to read to me. When I reached puberty, that yearning increased tenfold but reality was a bummer. I had almost zero social skills, I went to an all-girls Catholic school, I was fat and ostracized, plus I hardly had interaction with the opposite sex and whenever I did, it was pretty obvious that they didn’t see me as a “girl.” Then I watched my friend James Maxwell Magat‘s copy of Labyrinth and fell in love with Jareth the Goblin King when he sang As The World Falls Down.

“As the pain sweeps through,
Makes no sense for you.
Every thrill is gone.
Wasn’t too much fun at all,
But I’ll be there for you-ou-ou
As the world falls down.”

I felt like he was singing those words to me and somehow I felt comforted. Here’s a prince, well a king, and he has come to save me. Even if it’s only through film and imagination, I finally met my prince charming.

Puberty has come and gone and I’ve changed for the better…or worse. I have become depressed, bitter, disenchanted, and jaded especially when it comes to my happily ever after. Still, when times are sometimes tough for me, I turn to my Jareth and he tells me everything is going to be okay. As the world falls down on me, he’ll always be by my side, helping me battle life’s difficulties. And I bravely fought on.

The world fell down on me again three days ago. The man who played Jareth is dead. It somehow felt like a part of me died as well. I was utterly devastated and cried so much when I listened to THAT song. He’s gone. My Jareth is gone, I said to myself.

However, I know that Jareth will always be by my side. Thank god for fantasies. He will still help me with my battles and he will forever be my prince charming. I’ll just be the grieving wife and grieve I will. Someday, I will finally join Jareth in a masquerade ball and we will dance all night and gaze in each others’ eyes (I can not and will not relate to Sarah leaving him) but until then, let me grieve.

Jareth is only one of the many personas of David Bowie and some of his other personas influenced me too. Now can you imagine why I’m grieving this much over one man? One magnificently brilliant man. Good. You understand me now.

A watercolor I did last November 10, 2015

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